Joy-The Lost Art of PLAY

The transition from the spiritual purposes “awareness” and “transmutation” (as carried by my former aura colors indigo and crystal) into the rainbow purpose, was not uneventful or boring. While it wasn’t full of restriction, devastation and catalyzing emotions like the indigo transition was, it was nothing short of a miracle that I made it through. I’ve now finally come into my full state of the fifth dimensional existence, and while I don’t wear the rainbow color (and purpose) like a merit badge, I wear it more like a treasured war metal- the life long fight for my own body, mind and spirit. The negative imprint of “owned” is no more.

Rising into the full state of the rainbow purpose meant awareness, transmutation, acceptance, surrender and FLOW. Right when I felt it could go no further, I was tossed into the midst of the fight of my life- for ME. Many of my family, friends and colleagues supported me in miraculous ways financially, emotionally and spiritually. The first step in the journey was to ASK you for this help (learning to receive love), which was nothing short of the most shameful feeling I could stomach. It felt vulnerable and terrifying. A few of my most loyal friends and supporters judged, broke my heart and turned their backs permanently. Yet, I still not once felt alone. Not once did I feel lost. Fear, the dark cloud over my head that followed me so ever presently, was the opposite of my impending and blooming rainbow purpose.

I was folding and unfolding, coiling and emerging, authentically stepping into my full presence and Isness right in front of the eyes of what I sensed was a judgmental, harsh, criticizing public eye. Yet, what was returned to me was nothing short of amazing: love, support, mercy and compassion. And then one day, after channeling the presence of the White Tara, she said to me, “Let go of your heart. Let go of your head. Let go of all you BELIEVE that IS YOU”. Being the musical human that I am, of course, a song lovingly and playfully mocked me from the dulled background on the radio. Thank you David Gray, you confirmed the biggest wake up of my life. This indeed, felt like “Babylon”. Except I was at war with me!

The journey to discovering what my specific rainbow color purpose would be was magical, painful, blissful, stressful. It felt like death and birth, and was often at one extreme or the other. It felt like FLOW.

Flow, to this extent, meant turning off the GPS navigation system while I randomly explored the streets of a foreign country, without fear of getting lost. Source is now my “GPS”. What type of GPS leads one to a wishing well in the middle of the Dandenong mountain range; one with mirrors that is guarded by a gargoyle? How could I explain to the lovely being driving that I desperately NEEDED to turn in the middle of nowhere into a random tulip garden, so that I would find my new life purpose? The loved ones in my life know that each day is an adventure during time with me, therefore, it was not questioned, but honored.

Before I knew it, there it was. A magical garden with a giant rainbow shining above me from the recent rains, and then a third dimensional reflection of Source’s confirmation of my purpose as I walked into what was nothing short of magical: a garden of fairies, gnomes, tiny doors, stools and chairs. My inner child felt, for the first time in years, one of my new purposes: JOY! I found myself smiling from ear to ear, playing with the fairies around me, noticing colors and sounds I’d not noticed before and PLAYING! What could be better than this, one may ask? This is when the White Tara whispered within me, “What do you want?”

“I have no wants”, I responded joyfully and naively to the White Tara within me, to which I heard a loving whisper in my left ear reply, “I have brought you here to discover two purposes. Go towards the well in your soul as represented by the well spring of your wishes here. Go there and tell me what you want.” Not one to question the Divinity of the White Tara, I meandered in the direction of the wishing well and peered deeply into it, feeling the depth of what only felt like a naive but peaceful emptiness within me peering right back.

Peering into the depths of my soul felt strangely quiet. I stated once more, “But I hold no wants, White Tara”, to which she replied, “Go deeper”. This is the moment I noticed that people had dropped coins into the well. “I hold no coins and no wants”, to which my loving guide whispered softly, “Your wish is already granted. Reach into your right pocket”. One tiny, grateful, tearful smile spread across my face as I reached into my pocket to find a forgotten but recent Australian coin that I had discovered earlier in the day rather randomly, outside of a cafe. “You’ll know what to ask for”, the White Tara nodded lovingly as she faded from my immediate presence.

In the most confident, declarative voice that has ever been uttered from my normally quiet and shy ego, I stated in full presence, “I want to teach myself and my partner unconditional love. Then I want to teach this unconditional love to humanity”. Then I swiftly and knowingly dropped my coin into the well. Time stood still and I felt as if I became the metal in all particles of this coin as it fell into a slow descent and landed with a firm, clanking sound at the bottom of the well. One tear of gratitude settled into the crevice of my chin as I smiled and uttered a thankful, “And so it Is” to the Universe.

My next experience was the flow of JOY, even during Dark Night of the Soul. It has been no secret to the public eye that I’ve been deeply immersed in depression. However, this part dingo pup named “Kitty” was having none of it. I was sitting darkly in the face of pain, watching my name being slandered on public media and feeling the sharp glass shards of my ego crumbling around me while reading the words, “fraud, liar, bipolar, crazy, cheater, scam artist, lowest human being on the planet” and so much more. I felt my soul wanting to leave this earth. I felt “done”. Then I heard, “No kitty! What are you doing?!” and then was surprised to find hundreds of particles of sand being kicked into my face by a rather pushy, but adorable shepherd/dingo mix. “Kitty” had ran far from his owner and straight into my face, unabashedly. Then I saw a green tennis ball being pushed into my lap. “Play with me, human”, Kitty commanded telepathically to me. “WHAT?” I replied in shock. “Play with now, or you may lose your battle”. 

“You’re kind of like a cat, silly human. Play. It’s your purpose now. Up! Put down the phone!”, Kitty demanded with a beaming smile. Off we went. For hours we played like children until we were out of breath and until our muscles were sore. I ran faster than I had ran in months, breathed more deeply, laughed until my stomach muscles ached, smiled more widely than I can recall in my entire life. Then I sat on the sand with Kitty’s owner and talked about Life while drawing with our fingers in the sand. Thank you Kitty, thank you to Kitty’s human, Steph, for allowing me this unforgettable reminder of my newest purpose in life.